🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily hire someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?